Ketakutan melumpuhkan saya

Assalamualaikum,

As stated in my older blog post, Saya dah ada lesen memandu.. Which is "keperluan" untuk setiap orang pada masa kini? Maybe. 

Well, semasa saya dalam lecture hall (mula-mula asasi 2014 dulu) saya lupa subjek apa.. And I got a call from my dad. I don't answered it because I was in that hall. So, I whatsapp-ed him and asked why he called me and I cannot answer it. Immediately he said that he wanted a photocopy of my IC and my licence and told me that he wanted to buy me a brand new car.. I'm like.. What?! Err, I'm not sure how to react. But yea.. It turns out that he bought me Perodua Viva S. 

Sejujurnya.. Driving is one of my biggest fear. I am thankful to have my licence, to have supports from my bro that helped me alot during my driving lesson. But still, it is my fear. My mind keep telling me I can't. That is the problem with anxiety. It pulled you out of most of the thing. In my life, I have a lot of fear. And this is one of them. And to be honest, I am sad about myself. People around me enjoying themselve, but why I can't be like them? I feel totally separated and isolated.

Abang A's, Abang U's and Masturah's. Triplet! 

This kinda mental illness can be cured which basically deal with that fear! As simple as that. You know what, I got my licence not a smooth process as they said.. Success is 99% failure! And yes. Maybe in my case is pretty uncommon which is I failed at very first of the process which is bumped me out! Ujian rabun warna? Who have thought that I am the one who failed that test. It burst me into tears. There was a long post that I wrote about it so yea. And people said I am weird.. T__T" I do, sometimes.. What I didn't told people yet is what makes me say No No to driving. 

So, saya pergi kelas praktikal saya seperti biasa. Saya memandu dalam litar. It went smooth at that time until.. one moment when I accidentally press the gas pedal. And it accelerates and hit the car infront of me. That was total shock for me. But at that time, I tried to managed the situation calmly with brake and tarik hand brake and I am glad that I can think with my brain instead of panicking. Basically my teacher positive but the others like.. bashed me with negativity.. Sementara menunggu pelajar lain.. saya imbas kembali kejadian tadi and that time, saya rasa I am a huge clumsy! Masa Kak Hawa hantar saya balik saya menangis.. Teringatkan betapa teruknya saya. She is an awesome teacher. She motivates me, she said "Kemanisan kejayaan itu akan lebih terserlah dengan kegagalan yang kita alami. Sampailah dengan dia selitkan surah dan keagamaan. Although kereta dia ada sedikit kecacatan akibat saya. But I have paid for what I have done to her car. Not that much tho.. Alhamdulillah. Balik rumah, I said to my mom and bro. They said it is normal for the learner to have that kinda "accident". Positive. Again! Alhamdulillah.

With all that disaster, akhirnya saya dapat menjalani ujian memandu with flying colours! Yay.. One of the greatest achievements in my life! But still, the heat of that tragedy still comes to my mind and stays. Apart from that, saya juga tak suka alam pemanduan. Is that the word? Just because I hate to be judged by people. And selalu dalam fikiran saya orang akan berkata buruk tentang saya sebab pemanduan saya...  Although saya insan bertuah ada kenderaan sendiri.. Yes, fear paralyzed me. And I refused to drive although I got plenty of time to have some fun and have some ride with my Encik Viva. 

There's a lot of detail that I wanted to write but it will be way to long. So I make it short. Saya sentiasa berdoa dan terus berdoa yang satu hari nanti saya akan jadi seorang pemandu yang cekap dan berhemah. It seems that saya tak akan bawa Encik Viva for my degree nanti.. Maybe... We'll see. Terima kasih kepada abanggggggg yang sentiasa jadi driver and my parents ofcoz! But abang.. dia rajin tunaikan destinasi yang saya nak tuju. My parents like "Suruh abang laa..".

My family dah banyak bising pasal benda ni.. Haha. Bila laa Masturah nak drive. My sister pun dah cakap jangan sampai Encik Viva ni dia yang pandu pulak!

And if you ever wondering yang my Encik Viva will left alone and dusty.. No. It got a lot of love where my bros and my parents drive it a lot as it auto and tini tiny and easy to ride. And I am happy with it.

Kenapa Fattytissue?

Assalamualaikum,

I did a few header.. But these two does not suit my template that good. #rejected header.

Saya tak nak tinggalkan blog ini dengan post yang sedih. So, Saya just nak kongsi sedikit sebanyak tentang kewujudan blog ni. Haha. Baru nak cerita.. Well, they said better late than never!

I started this blog when it was 2011, when I was 15. Saya dapat ilham dari Seri (SMKTDS) which is my new friend yang banyak menulis dalam blog tentang kehidupannya semasa di US. Seronok baca! She's just a wonderful yet beautiful girl :) I miss her. Anyways. Hehe. My first post bukan post yang ada sekarang ni. Saya dah save as draft. Ntahla. Cerita lama-lama saya memang merepek. Hoho. But now, saya dah banyak tapis entry-entry sebelum ni.. Termasuk post yang sekerat jalan punya cerita dan maybe entry kosong yang tersave ada 660 post total! Wow! Haha.. Sebenarnya Giveaways yang saya save as draft banyak gila!

random post yang tak dipublish! 

Active in 2013. Banyak enter giveaways and blogwalking. Masa ni Mariam laa yang membangkitkan semangat nak berblogging. Haha. Since she just made one for herself. My blog berkonsepkan diary, luahan hati, pendapat, pengalaman.. Something to do with myself, just MYSELF! I keep it public supaya orang yang macam saya or mengalami masalah macam saya dapat jumpa saya, I mean they're not alone. Erkk... Haha 

Back to main title! Fattytissue just random thought yang sampai ke otak saya. Dan saya berazam kalau saya ada blog saya nak url fattytissue.blogspot.com! Fattytissue it self actually nasty. Haha. geli kot. Tissue dalam badan. You can imagine those. Don't search the image of it. If not, I am not responsible if you just vomited in front of you computer/whatever it is. Not gonna lie.. Saya dah buat. Nearly puke. But gladly not. Or else if you just added ".blogspot.com" at the back of fattytissue which makes fattytissue.blogspot.com it will appear a cute, pink, girly website. Surely will make you better.. Hehe.

Blog saya pada mulanya hanya diketahui oleh orang-orang terdekat. Err.. tak bercadang untuk menyebarkan kepada sesiapa yang mengenali "watak utama" But.. Haha

At first my blog template is taylor swift! Then, I edited it slowly.. Yes not one day.. It may took me about a week or two. Zaman edit-mengedit ni memang tak habis. Bila rasa dah edit tu.. macam ada yang tak kena.. So memang hobi masa tu edit, photoshop-ing and doodling. Hehe. But lepas jea masuk asasi semua tu dah lenyap. No blog at all. Nak tumpukan perhatian with my study. Poyo pulak. Haha. Biasalah sekolah dulu sekolah biasa jea. So balik rumah boleh cerita keluh kesah. Kat PALAM dah laa internet tenat.. Masa takde. But kawan yang mendengar tu ramai.. So tak kesah sangat pun blog ni. 

Last edit masa tahun SPM tak silap.. Then, my brain dah tak ingat nak edit-edit dah.. And my template is not blogskin. Saya edit secara manual guna edit html. I am quiet impressed how my blog turns out. And tak ada future plan nak ubah lagi. Haha. Saya lebih selesa cerita kat blog. Sebab kadang-kadang tak semua cerita kita boleh cerita kat orang. Orang kan ada perasaan.. yang kadang-kadang secara tak sengaja kita terguris.. Blog ni bukan boleh record intosi suara. Haha, cuma tanda seru yang korang cuba buat andaian dari suara hati.. Haha. Haihh... Really, this blog banyak menyimpan kenangan. I am hoping will keep updating my online diary :) Adios.

Upu fasa 2...

Assalamualaikum,

Saya tak tahu nak sedih atau tiada rasa. Yang pasti bukan gembira. In shaa Allah. Redha ibubapa juga redha Allah, Masturah. The last time saya cerita pasal upu saya kemain kan? Semangat. Now I have no reason nak cerita dengan semangat. Saya cuba terima. And actually I am just fine.. just a little bit emotional plus period. So I am a little bit "over" than usual.

Ayah saya kata "Masturah switch pilihan kedua dengan pertama." Which means tukar farmasi jadi pilihan pertama instead of dietiation. I feel like what? I have to admit that I am sad. Hatiku luluh buat kali kedua. He said that farmasi is more umum while dietitian is specific which is study about diets, foods. He said, for future life better take farmasi. Peluang pekerjaan lebih luas.. I taught rezeki dimana-mana and Allah yang tentukan.. Saya cakap laa jugak why I did put dietitian as my first choice.. But then, I knew he know the best. So.. yea. I have to admit saya dah bayangkan how great it was belajar about dietitian. Which I really passion about. And I had my own reason why I choose farmasi as my second choice. Because, the requirement for farmasi is higher, 3.50. I know that I am ok with that. Just you know what I mean. 3.50 (uitm) ! Absolutely diorang pilih 4.00 flat.. And menghafal semua Biochemist yang tak sudah. Do you think it is fun? I don't know. Dietitian kat uitm pun senior haritu 3.90.. Huh..Saya diselubungi pelbagai emosi.

Tapi, Rezeki kita Allah yang tulis. Kalau Masturah memang ditetapkan dapat dietetik. Tak lari pun dietetik tu.. In shaa Allah. Yang penting doa tak putus. Saya tak ada perasaan marah pun. Cuma sedih.. Sebab saya dah banyak cerita kat kawan-kawan yang saya memang minat sangat dietetik.. Dan saya tahu ayah saya lebih arif.. 

Reunion 5SN2?

Assalamualaikum,

Semalam pada jam 11 malam Jo whatsapp ajak jumpa harini.. Well I though just us. Which commonly me, Jo, Mariam, Sha, Fara and others. Like girls day out like that. Surely I asked my parents permission right away since I miss my buddies. They said OK. I am happy then Jo started to say it is a class reunion.. Emm.. Haha.. Haha haaa... -___-" Pukul 11 malam tu jugak penubuhan group 5SN2 setelah sekian lama.. Haha. Then, rancak lah group itu. I have to say that I do really like the idea of reunion since we have lost contact since after 2 years I would say. Last minute perancangan. So it turns out to be 6 people that attend the "reunion".. Haha... Rasa berat nak pegi, but I really miss Jo. 

So yea. 11.30 am we've met. Me and Jojo give a warm hug sebab we miss each other so much. My study group partner :) Unfortunately My Mariam tak boleh hadir sebab ada majlis lain.. So saddddd. Kawan meja sebelah kot for a whole year. At first my father suruh drive.. Haha -____- Nope. Never happened. So, my bro hantar and amek. Our "Reunion" dekat jea ngan rumah. AEON Taman U. So the first hour just me and Jojo chit chat together. Jo, dia adalah kawan gelak tawa saya besides Najla. She just make me laugh and smile. I love her. Although kita berlainan agama and bangsa, she is christian and I really hope Jo dapat hidayah. But we both get along pretty good as saya murid baru kat sekolah tu.. Haha

Saya gembira spend masa dengan dia while tunggu yang lain.. Selepas the guys and Fara sampai we go to eat and talk about our updates.. Seriously.. After the guys came, I am not that comfortable since we faced each other pretty close since we sat at one table. It was awkward. Yet I push my chair little bit further than the table so I have some space to breathe. And I decided to go back early since yea.. Dah jumpa Jo dah cukup bermakna hari ni ngan Farahin. So yea.. Saya rasa ini adalah pertemuan terakhir with my few ex classmates. And not with Jo and the other girls ofcoz. They are totally fine for me.

I knew they gonna ask about my ring. Diorang tanya saya dah tunang ke.. I just leave that question unanswered because really.. Saya tak nak bagi harapan atau whatever thing you might think of. Time really change but not me and my stand. I am happy with what I had now. So please. 

Anyways, malasnya nak pi sekolah amek sijil SPM! 

My first Zalora experience

Assalamualaikum,

So, actually the package was sent to me by 19th of May. So yea.. I hope tak lambat untuk berkongsi how it goes.

It goes so well, from the picking till it sent to me. Sebab banyak kelebihan shopping kat sini berbanding yang lain

Apa yang saya suka dengan zalora adalah kerana saya boleh berbelanja dari rumah. Yes, I don't have that much oppurtunity to go shopping for myself. Harga berpatutan, banyak pilihan, penghantaran cepat, banyak discount code. So yeah.. I really enjoyed it so far yet my sisters pun want to give it a try. So, the second package just arrived this morning. 

Off topic, I just wondering that I am the oldest sister in my family yet I was the smallest. Is that make any sense? My shoe size was 36 yet my 16, 14 and 12 years old sister was 38. Haha, I have to admit that I was the only child in my family that a little bit "cuter" than the others. Yea.. But I liked it anyways :D

Let be serious here..

Assalamualaikum,

Ingin aku menyendiri,

Setelah aku sakit hati,

Menyedari kau tiada disisi,

Sungguh aku rasa sepi.

Sakitnya cinta cuma sehari,

Esok lusa cari pengganti,

Tidakkah engkau sedar diri,

Kehadiran kau cuma ulangan lagi.

Hmm, umur saya dah nak masuk 19 tahun ogos ni. Mak saya berkahwin pun umur 19 tahun. Today I want to talk about love, based on my opinion.

I have to say that I have not much knowledge about love. Lawak lah kalau saya kata saya tak pernah jatuh hati kat teruna. Perasaan cinta itu nafsu. Nafsu perlu dikawal. For me, tak ada alasan yang kukuh untuk bercinta masa alam persekolahan. Masa sekolah menengah, saya pun adalah kenalan lelaki dan kitorang selalu bermesej. Sehari kadang-kadang 100+ (Ini bukan zaman whatsapp ok, satu mesej 10 sen) dan saya nak cakap yang saya menyesal setiap mesej yang saya hantar kat dia. Although kita cuma berkawan. Dia jea.. Dan saya menyesal. Sebab saya rasa saya dah melakukan sesuatu yang tak bermanfaat. Dah jadi trend yang sangat popular berpasang-pasangan yang cuma menjanjikan cinta. Cinta yang dikatakan sejati.. Walaupun dah terucap perkataan itu berkali-kali pada manusia yang berbeza. Lawak kan?

Pernahkah saya mempunyai pasangan? Tidak. Setakat ini tidak. Alhamdulillah. Jadi saya tak pernah mendengarkan janji manis yang diucapkan kepada saya. Saya cuba sedaya upaya untuk keluar dari persoalan "Boleh berkenalan?". Soalan tu.. huh. For me, lelaki kena faham. Lelaki akan memegang tanggungjawab yang sangat besar. Masa yang sesuai untuk lelaki mencari pasangan adalah ketika kewangannya stabil. Akhlak dan imannya terjaga. Kalau nak berkenalan dengan anak orang pun, pergilah berkenalan dengan ibu bapa pihak perempuan. Minta izin dulu supaya ibu bapa perempuan tahu anaknya berhubung dengan siapa. Tak gitu? Well, sebagai lelaki.. kenalah berani kalau nak. 

Kalau awak tu (lelaki) masih belajar.. Dah janji macam-macam kat pasangan.. Sanggup ke pasangan tu tunggu? Dah laa tak halal lagi. Hmm. Saya tak bijak berkata-kata. Saya pun tak ada pengalaman. 

Kadang-kadang saya intai pemuda-pemuda kat masjid.. Yang ciputt tu. Semua dah kahwin. Nak cari lelaki yang boleh menjamin syurga? Susah. Kalau anda lelaki, tak pandai baca doa qunut. Korang rasa layak ke korang nak ajar anak bini korang supaya hidup dengan agama? Hmm, daripada cari anak dara orang dalam umur yang tak matang lagi ni.. lebih baik kukuhkan agama dalam diri. 

Saya juga.. Sedang mencuba dan in shaa Allah istiqamah nak menjadi muslimah yang lebih baik. Kat sini saya cuma nak cerita yang saya dikejutkan dengan panggilan seorang lelaki. Terkejut sangat. Telefon saja-saja. Mintak alamat. Kata nak kacau. Eh tolonglah, banyak benda lagi yang boleh dia buat daripada mengacau. Ada FB pun tak secure. Hmm.. Rimas. Sebab tu tak nak ada laman sosial.  Cuba faham wahai kaum lelaki.

Result semester 2 Asasi Sains 2014/2015

Assalamualaikum,

Harini memang hari yang sangat-sangat mendebarkan. Sampai tak boleh tidur.. Huhu.. And I decided to check myresult early sebab mata saya terbuka luas dan tangan saya yang sangat gatal tekan refresh button kat email. CGPA Uitm 3.64

Alhamdulillah.. Lebih daripada apa yang dijangka. Rasa bersyukur sangat. So, next thing is UPU and in shaa Allah will enter degree life!